This is ludicrous speed. What's here and now and intended to be clear to the sen
ses passes as a blur.
Obsession: desire, Desire: obsession. I know the answer inside is fighting the i
mage of beauty and security.
I can hear it gnawing at my consciousness in the background. Groveling, unnervin
g, yet deaf to
nonsensical ears. I fear why I desire. I understand how this all works and yet I
'm still fixated.
Saturday nights are just the start, a day or two into the week and I'm half way
back. By the time
I get home I'm back there again. I am completely aware and yet somehow I'm force
d to the margins.
Bench warming and there seems little chance of me getting out alive. A person no
more. I watch and I watch.
Absurd recap. A person no more and it feels so good it hurts. I watch again. Rec
apitulation. Worn down.
This is not where I want to be. Unfamiliar mirrors. I wonder what has become of
my life.
The gaps in our lives seem to be so easily replenished with the products of our
imagination, allowing ourselves
to believe that the touched-up digital images of perfection are real and set the
standard for beauty and truth within
ourselves. But such things tend to leave a person more lonely than she was to st
art with as the
bombardment of these images through entertainment and advertisements remove us e
ven more from the rawness of life.
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