In 1986 the University of California Davis saw two of its all time brightest sta rs, Dr Alphonse Mephesto and Dr Arnie Absucrepin. Dr Mephesto worked hard toward s his theasis, his goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of an asp aragus, so that all asparagus' would grow to the same girth and length, giving a sparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's supermarket vegetable bin. D Absucrepin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical entertai ner the world had ever seen. Doctor Absucrepin knew that if he could assemble th e right elements he could theoretically build the DNA structure that would ensur e his creation had talent far surpassing the average the average individual. At the time one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson, in an att empt to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics, had his tes ticles surgically removed thereby making him a modern day castrato. If such a ru mor were true, Michael Jackson more that likely would have had some of his semen preserved before the surgery to ensure the future of his name and lineage. Word came back to Dr Absucrepin of a secret cold storage locker deep within the bowe ls of the UCLA research center, that not only contained 4 containers of frozen s emen, but also held a pair of testicles, each was labeled with the name, 'Jack M ichaelson'.
I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'
This had to be the seed of the king of pop. Dr Absucrepin was able to use his ch arm and Chiseled Great features to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jen nifer, who of course, just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial of the precious semen. The search for the egg was a short one, Dr Me phesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an L.A. music magazine. The ad read, 'Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment, donors must h ave musical background'. With a plethora of young, eager, wannabe musical starle ts willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors after rigorous auditioning, picke d and purchased. Doctor Absucrepin felt that it would be far less complicated le gally if the fetus were brought to term in a the womb of a non-human. He had lon g since secured the services of the University Volleyball Mascot, a Llama by the name of 'Missy'. When the baby was ready, the child was removed via Cecarium. I t was a healthy Baby Boy. He was Named Kevin.
I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'
Kevin was a Beautiful child, Dr Absucrepin saw to it that Kevin was trained by t he best in all aspects of Performing. His voice was Golden and had a Sweetness t o it that most Males Lacked. He moved with Grace and was able to Moonwalk by the time he was 3. As Kevin grew with his talent, Dr Absucrepin Started noticing od d Developments in his physical state. When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his second aries came in with a vengeance; they were at least twice the size of a normal ad ults and the two in front stuck nearly straight out. Also as Kevin Reached his 8 th year he was the same height as when he was 4. To top it off he was growing ha ir all over and his penis was enormous, even by adult standards. It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin sing he rarely sp oke, often choosing to communicate with various grunts and gurgles.
I once heard a noise..
in the night, the most sensual voice
A song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head, and this is what he said..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'
Others were noticing the changes in Kevin. Children began to tease him, and call him 'Gopher Boy'. One day a bully by the name of 'Big Roy' started throwing ban anas at him. Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three fingers off on his left hand. Kevin was t aken away and placed in the custody of the state. Dr Absucrepin actions were fou nd out but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction of another human being, no criminal charges were brought forth. The medical asso ciations board of ethics stripped him of all his credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact his name became so synonymous with failure that for years to come med students around the world were known to say in times of mishap, 'Damn, I feel just like Absucrepin!' Dr Mephesto immediately proceedings to adopt litt le Kevin. Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus, it wa sn't long before the two were legally united as father and son. The moved to Col orado where they could live in relative obscurity. Kevin is still a boy of few s poken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles, but on occasions if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden singing voice ring out into the ni ght over the small town of South Park..
'I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality,
I am Gopher Boy, Who will find my raspberries?'
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